The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
 September 7, 2000 / 197 reads / No comments yet

Final Sludge Diary

Dear Sludge Diary,
~ Lot's 'O' shit here. strap in!
~ I am actually home writing this right now. Who cares, right? Well, the thing is, it isn't actually an "on the road diary" exactly then. But, who gives a fuck? After all, how would I be able to reflect back on the past weekend's follies?
~ Here we go... All of the last three shows were awesome! The Mohegan Sun Casino in Conn. was a blast. They say it's the 3rd largest casino in the country, but then they told us we weren't exactly in the U.S. anymore! (Huh?) The deal is, is that we were on Indian territory. What that means, is that certain laws do not apply there. Which ones? Read between the lines and use your imagination. A casino? You might say. What the hell is Poison doing at a casino? Vegas reviews next? Nope. The place is a real concert hall and they are building a huge assed place for next year to boot. I'm not trying to plug the place for any other reason than it is pretty close to a variety of some major cities including the Big Apple. I wanted to stay there for a few days and do bad things. But, we had to go...
~ Jacksonville, Fl... Killer show! Tons of people there. Looked like a mini-Woodstock without the bullshit. Thank you Jacksonville! You kicked ass!
~ Orlando, Fl... Now this is a fuckin' HardRock Live! Fuck, it was jammed! If someone got a hard on, someone got pregnant! It was tight! The crew spilled every last piece of confetti on us to the point where ya could'nt move.
Thanx area:
~I loved our crew this year and I will most certainly miss you crazy assed fucks! I really will. You are the best in the biz!
~ Thanks to our fans and to my band. The best reason to live is because of you!
~ Last but not least, A thank you to Nurse Karen. A.) For being so sweet this time around and B.) For helping me enjoy BattGrrl. Yes indeed, what a delightful evening. Perfect end of the tour stuff. Oh, do tell Rikki! Who is BattGrrl? Ya know what? Fuck you! I'm keeping this one to myself for a change. Why? 'Cause it was nice. You don't wanna know about nice, now do ya? Besides, Froggy was drunk and just about fucked it all up! She knows,
ask her. Who is Froggy? A bio student in Florida. She likes to go out in the woods for like two weeks at a time and study shit. She is tall, has nice tits and is as crazy as they come. She's the kind of person who likes to pick you up, just to say she can. She said she wanted to fuck around, but she was drunk. Who cares? I know. But, I had BattGrrl and Nurse Karen together! You have no idea how much that rocks! That's it. I'm not tellin' anymore.
~ And then... I limped to Detroit for two days to see my drum Company (Innovation Drums) headquarters. I love the Prez. Steve, he rocks, but he kept me so busy running around that all I got to do was get fuckin' hammered one of two nights with some locals. I got a note under my door at the hotel that I didn't notice until I was checking out. It was from a chick named "The Kerri Godmother".
It read:
Dear King Richard,
We exchanged glances at the airport while you were waiting for your bags at Luggage check. You looked at me like 10 times. I know you didn't come over to me because you noticed that I was with a guy. He is just my manager. No worries. I do voice overs and body doubles. If you see an incredible body in a film, it might just be mine. I'm all natural too! I live here and was just getting in from L.A. from a job I had there. I had a pink top on and jeans. I saw you guys at Pine Knob. Good show! I've always loved Poison and I've always wanted to meet you. It took me two days to find out that you were staying here in Detroit. Had you talked to me, I would have taken you to some great places and made you wish you could marry me. Yes, I am that good! Really! Then, I saw you for few minutes at the Double Olive. I heard you were there partying. You were talking to some blonde chick and it looked pretty involved. There were too many people in there anyway. So I left. Well, maybe next time. I do go to L.A. often. If I only knew how to get a hold of you, your wish would be my command! Trust me, I have never let a man down.
- Kerri "The Kerri Godmother"
~ Well, well, Kerri. Everyone on the net knows my e-mail addy, so I'm not that hard to get a message to. I do remember you and you were quite stunning. Please, let's expand on this relationship. A phone number for starters would help. Let's see if this little Sludge mention will help. We may actually have a Sludge Encounter of the first kind!
~ Speaking of Sludge... The fine young bastards at Metal Sludge have agreed to have me write more shit. What though? We aren't on tour right now. So, what do you think? How about Rikki's Pussy and Tits chart? You know, the "In and Out of it". Naw, I don't fuck celebrities, so who would care. How about "Dear Rockett"? I could give advice about relationships and stuff. Tell chicks to tell their old man to fuck off and I'll do them right! Naw, no one would write to me. How about "Insult Rikki!" People could just go off on me about how fuckin' lame I am and shit like that. Naw, that already is on the Sludge B.B.S. How about "Words from the Rockett Man"? I could
just spout off about whatever in an editorial fashion. Naw, Jizzy Pearl does that. You know what? Maybe I'm just used up. Maybe Sludge has no need for me anymore. Maybe I'm squeezed out of every morsel of my lame wit.
Maybe my time has come to bid farewell 'till next summer. Maybe...
In the meantime, see me on "The List" this month!

Farewell SludgeNation!
Rikki Rockett
"I love everybody and you're next!!!"

New iMac = $1,299,
Internet connection = $19.95 a month,
Getting Sludged on the net = Priceless!

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