The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
 August 23, 2000 / 207 reads / No comments yet

Dear Sludge Diary,
I have elected to do something a bit different this time around with it being the Lucky 13 diary. Here are some things that might make you go, "What the fuck?"
Here are some quips from situations, things people said and a few mishaps along the road the last few days. They are all slightly odd. The top 25! You put the pieces together...

1. C.C. tells the band his first sexual experience was when he stuck a GI Joe with Kung Fu grip up his ass!

2. Big John brings me a box of cereal and water to my room. No bowl, spoon or anything else. Then says, "Good night, bro." (That was at 2:30 p.m. today)

3. I call this chick that I met the other night and I tell her I want her to come to a particular show next week. She says, "No, I'll be having an abortion that day. Don't worry, I'm not sure, but I don't think it's yours." (I don't think it's yours? Funny, I only got a blowjob so far from her.)

4. Some chick tells Bobby that she was wet the whole time she was watching him onstage the other night. (It rained at that show.)

5. Some guy goes to me at a truck stop last night, "I am totally your biggest fuckin' fan ever, dude! Are you guys ever gonna tour again? What are you guys doing here anyway?"

6. Two chicks told Bret that they really wanted to party with him after the show. They told him, "we don't drink, smoke, do drugs or fuck around though. Just so you know going into this situation, Bret."

7. Big John forgot what hotel and room he was in for the 27th time this tour. Once a Marine, always a Marine, he exclaimed. (Huh, John?)

8. There were only 10 passes given out at the last show but 121 people were at our meet and greet.

9. Big John introduced me to a "normal" girl 3 nights ago. (Very odd!)

10. Bret's tech handed him a guitar that was actually in tune.

11. Poison get's a good review.

12. The Dali DeVillas showed up in Omaha with their heads shaved completly now. (Yes, there are witnesses folks, I ain't makin' this shit up!)

13. Our tour manager, who has been with us since 1988, finally admitted in a drunken stupor that he never really liked Poison and was doing it just for the money. Then, he asked us for a raise.

14. Some woman asks, "Will you fuck me with reckless abandon? My husband thinks it would be great for our relationship. He doesn't even have to watch!"

15. This chick at meet and greet goes, "I'd love to fool around with you. Sure, I'll admit that I was with Fred last night. But, I mean, that was before I realized how much cooler your drums look under the lights than Fred's drums." (This one had substance!)

16. Our lighting guy tells us, we can't use the lazer lights tonight. Which was fine, given the fact that we didn't bring any out on this tour.

17. John brings this chick to my room the other night and she says, "I don't mind fucking or whatever, but ONLY if we can order up some treats from room service first!" (Order up some treats?)

18. Some guy yells as we are coming off stage last night, "I pierced my dick because of you fuckin' guys! At least give me a drumstick or a pick or somethin'!"

19. A doctor retires after examining the penis of one of the opening acts.

20. A photo reveals that C.C. had "I love dead chicks!" written on his chest the night the disco ball fell.

21. Dana Strum is actually a nice fellow.

22. Some chick goes to me in the lobby of the hotel this morning, " I can't believe I'm actually meeting Blas Elias! You seem really nice."

23. "Will you guys please play Hysteria tonight?"

24. "Blues Saraceno looks so different than in his pictures!"

25. "Metal Sludge is your website, ain't it?"

Rikki Rockett
"... you're tricks with fruit, were kinda cute, I bet 'ya keep your pussy clean."
Starfucker/The Rolling Stones

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