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The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge

Date August 15, 2000 / 406 reads / No comments yet



Dear Sludge Diary,
-Well, well, Metal Sludge. I break my ass doing a diary, defending you against folks like Gerri Miller and I even streak for you and what do I get? I get my balls busted with some fuckin' thing from 14 years ago! And then... you say shit like, He's probably lying about his age? If I was gonna lie I'd make myself like 32 or something. Well, suck my dick Sludge! (Irish satire turned on now) Suck the snotty end of me fuckstick! You ungrateful bastards! Oh, yeah, then you ask me to attend some fuckin' Sludge party in NYC! What? Ya want me to come there and kick your asses up around your ears so that you'll have to take your Sludge shirts off to take a shit? Ya want me to ambush Dokken with a Metal Edge shirt on? I think not! That would send you to hell, now wouldn't it? Jesus is coming, you better look busy!
- Fuckin' people are still complaining about my near misses with the funky side of the female population. You bitter motherfuckers! O.K., here's one for ya. Yesterday, (day off) I got sunburned, slept through my phone ringing 50 times for about two hours, finally answered it to find that a close friend needs bailed out of jail, took a shower, ate at some overpriced preppy assed place, went to a local bar in Boise, got drunk while I talked to two chicks and entertained them with lame magic tricks, watched Big John get annoyed by some "big woman" who was about as nice as an airport cop, got some coffee at some dump down the street and asked some waitress who thought I was Patrick Swayze to come back to my room, she agreed if she could take a shower first then come over, pages me two hours later complaing that she went to the wrong hotel and was hit on by some bands truck driver and was pissed, finally came over, wouldn't fuck or suck and finally jacked me off at 3:30 in the morning. My sleep button was awful close to my cum button and I awoke this morning with the following letter:
-Dearest Rikki,
-You were drunk and probably won't remember me in the morning. Do you always laugh in your sleep? You seemed pretty nice but I can't go to see your concert cause I have to work and I'm really not into concerts anyway. I go back to college in three weeks so I doubt we'll ever see each other again.
-I also have a second job. It puts me through college. You don't want to know about it. My coffee job makes my parents think that I get my money that way.
All the best to you and good luck in all you do. Sorry that I thought you were Patrick Swayze. I heard that he has land here. You are very nice though.

Love,
- Mistress Mandy

11:20 a.m.
-My sunburn hurts more today than yesterday. Tom Keifer warned me about the sun. Damn, this coffee tastes especially good this morning. I wonder if C.C has any Advil? I dial C.C.'s room. No answer... I dial John's room. "This is John!" he answers. "No shit, John. Anyway, where is C.C.?," I ask. "He's sleeping still. But check this out, he got some dominatrix to come up to his room last night. But, ssshhhh, about it. He doesn't want anyone to know. She didn't even charge him. She said she just loved him to death and she makes enough money at her other job anyway. How cool is that?" I answer very slowly, "That is awesome John. I'm real happy for him." "Well, you don't sound like it! John exclaims. Are you still drunk, Rikki? I'm starting to think you have a little bit of a problem. "Not at all, John. I'm just fine..." Click!

Rikki Rockett
Pain where a pill won't reach...

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