The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
 July 21, 2000 / 302 reads / No comments yet

Dear Sludge Diary,
Atlanta! Wheew! Great show, great place, great fuckin' people but way too many crack heads though. I went shopping 'cause a bunch of my clothes got ruined at the last show with bleach, so, I decided to get some new shit. The shopping area is very cool in Atlanta, but ya can't walk one block without a crack head asking for somethin'. "Can ya help out a brutha?" Sure, I'll buy ya a $20 dollar rock. Why not? Please, fuck off!
Anyway, Slyvain Sylvain came onstage with us and he is the fuckin' coolest! A New York Dolls original, he still has that hutspah! How slammin' is it to have him on stage? Awesome! Glam has the Dolls to thank. So does punk. After all, Sylvain was supposed to be the guitarist for the Sex Pistols originally. So, thank you New York Dolls for it all!
Hick'n'Proud was in full swing doin' her ass slappin' honkey tonk dance side stage all night. I walked by to see what the rukus was all about and she slapped my ass so fuckin' hard I'll have a bruise six ways 'till Sunday! It's all good, she just gets wound up at concerts. Bless her 'lil hick heart. I gotta admit, Hick'n'Proud does it for me. I was imagining waxin' that ass and her sayin' shit like, "Git me, git me! and I'm 'a' fixin' ta cum!" It sucks when reality strikes. I wish a chick pukin' turned me on but it just kinda ruins it for me. Hick'n'Proud, please watch your Southern Comfort intake. If not for you, for me. I wound up havin' some ugly chick jack me off while I looked at pre-puke Hick'n'Proud polaroids from earlier that evening.
However, Big John enjoyed himself the previous evening. It seems a chick named "Feedin'Tyme" brought the "Hippie Dykes" and stayed in his room. Sweet bunch of girls they were. Any interest in me? Nope! Key word here, "Dykes". John was fuckin' "Feedin'Tyme" and she started to admit to child abuse and shit like that. Poor John. I pity chicks like that, but realize somethin', John has issues too. Issue one, he has to hurry up and get laid 'cause it's imperative that he gets enough sleep so as to feel very refreshed for the next evenings show.
Nashville. Another wonderful town. I spent quite a bit of time here last year with Summer NAMM and all. I sat and chatted with a lesbo named Raven X for quite a while. She writes a column in the Nashville Times called Lipstick Liasons about lesbo stories. She has the most perfect natural breasts I have ever seen. Check her shit out sometime. Well, I felt bonded because we both feel like writers now. Her with Lipstick Liasons and me with Sludge. (O.K., I know, Sludge doesn't count.) Anyway, she was tellin' me some nasty stories that blow away my stories. Apparantly, some dude that writes to her has an extreme foot fetish where unless he has both feet of the chick's in his mouth and hums some battle republic song, he can't get off. Does that rock or what? She swears it's 100% true. She also said some other chick that worked at a strip club with her sometime ago, has one leg that is like 4 inches longer than the other. One day she says to the other chicks at the club that her pussy was stinkin because she somehow had a condom stuck up there for like two weeks and didn't know it! Come on! Ya got a Coney Island Whitefish up there and don't know it? Girls, it's important to stay in touch with your bodies, don't cha think?
Raven said that if I dressed in drag that she would fool around with me but I couldn't expose my penis in any way as that would turn her off. How am I supposed to accomodate that shit? OK, excuse me for an hour while I go buy some shit at Trashy Lingerie and try and get off without you ever seeing my dick! Sorry Raven, I'm just not that inventive and hard up. I mean she is a fuckin' hottie, but geez, I'm not goin' that far just to blow a load. Besides, I think she was trying to set me up. She does pack a small camera. She grabbed my thumb and sqeezed it after licking her palm and says, "This is what my pussy can do!" Gawd Damn! What a frickin' tease!
Cheetah Chrome from the Dead Boys was supposed to show up tonight, but left me a message sayin' he got there too late and the box office closed. Come on Cheetah!
Well, here I am chillin' in Chi Town. (Chicago) I love it here. Beautiful women who actually work for a living. Nice change from LA where they just work you for a living. I feel like a real genuine rock star in this here hotel we are at. It kicks ass!
Ya know, there has been some smack goin' round that I really shouldn't write stuff about people's personal stuff. Oh, please, whatever!
Here ya go... In the news, Poison will be playing Chicago tonight and it's 75 degrees with a really neato stage! Our monitor guy got a haircut and C.C. has a new guitar. There. Ya like that? Spiffy, huh?

Till next tyme,
Rikki Rockett / Your friendly neighborhood sludge reporter
Eat people, not animals.

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